The 2010 Junior Achievement Essay Competition was judged a panel of business professionals from the Greater Washington Region selected by Junior Achievement. Following the close of the judging process, Junior Achievement invited the judges to provide their advice, feedback, and comments to the applicants. Below are the comments we received:
Congratulations on completing the 2010 Junior Achievement Essay Competition.
Each of you has a fantastic story just waiting to be told; however, not enough essays were written with passion and clarity to make a persuasive story. As you work hard this school year, consider the image you present to others when you write. Teachers, colleges, employers want people who are disciplined, creative and passionate; something that is the difference maker. So no matter your circumstance or background; 9th grade or 12th; if you want to set yourself apart, celebrate your individuality by doing the small things really well.
- Take your school work seriously.
- Do at least one thing each school year that takes you out of your comfort zone.
- Find an adult mentor who also writes well. He or she will help you organize your thoughts and offer constructive criticism.
- Latch on to something that absolutely excites you (perhaps a cause that makes your community stronger) and run with it! Don't worry about what the crowd will say - they're just jealous.
Once you start taking the small steps, you will automatically have a higher expectation of your abilities. This is what today's businesses want to learn from the next generation of movers and shakers!
- Remember to read the Official Rules carefully before you start to brainstorm ideas. The essay criteria are very important because your scores are graded by each of the 5 criteria and that will ultimately determine the strength of your essay.
- Try to use examples to prove an argument for each of the criteria.
- Focus on your topic. For 2010, the topic is "What can the Greater Washington Business Community learn from today's high school students." Therefore, you would want to focus on the Greater Washington Business Community and write less about general global influences.
Imagine reading your essay in front of a gala-style event with more than a thousand attendees from business and educational organizations. Try to picture how a ballroom full of your peers would react while listening to the essay. Would any of the sentences make you wince and trade glances if you heard it? Would anything make you roll your eyes? My top essays were the few that I could honestly say would get smiles and nods from the people sitting at my table.
Remember that spelling and grammar count, and with spell check and grammar check available to all in Microsoft Word, you are seriously jeopardizing your chances of winning if you send in a paper with spelling and grammatical errors.
- Don't end a sentence with a preposition. It screams "the writer is not well educated."
- Paragraphs should start with a statement of a thought or idea, have supporting sentences following this idea and should end with a summary sentence.
- The first paragraph should state the thesis of the paper. The last paragraph should tie the paper together and restate the thesis.
- Never use run-on sentences. Break up your ideas into shorter, easier to read sentences.
- Avoid using slang terms when trying to convey serious ideas.
- Always spell words correctly. Make sure you understand the difference between words like "its" and "it's" and "their" and "there".
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